Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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