yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
