Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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