Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
