This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
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I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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