I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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