i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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