I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
