Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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