Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
