My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
