Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
