i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, Iād say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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