the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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