How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
