She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize