my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
NoShamevember. You game?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
