soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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