He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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