My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
