Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
