I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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