I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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