We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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