We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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