Having a random hookup so left but love u
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
