he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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