3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
