Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
