After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
