Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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