I wish I only lived at night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
