I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
