I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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