you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
