you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
