You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
