i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
