Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
