Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
