you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
