my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
