I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
