I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
