Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I want a musical about memes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
