life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
do herpes really smell.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
