My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
