I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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