She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
