my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
