do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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