i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
