did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize