M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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