If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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