There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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