I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
