Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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