I can text with my tongue
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
