i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
