yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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