i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
