some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
