Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
