Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
