you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
is wine microwaveable?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
