Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
