the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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