I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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