so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
