just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This house was built for laser tag.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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