You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
