So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
