you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
