i would punch a child for taco bell
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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