On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
