I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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