OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
