i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
