Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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