Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
