i jhust puked up my retainher.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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