He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
