is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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